Saturday Jan 09,2010

Well !st I have some good news about my weight loose. I weighed myself this morning and I have lost 10 lbs! I was so thrilled with myself that I decided to take Max for a walk. I walked to the cemetery and back. Yes I said cemetery. When we moved into the neighborhood we realized there was a cemetery down the street. It is about 4blocks down, well maybe less. I have never really measured. I got back and cleaned a bit and decided I would try a recipe for homemade chicken noddle soup. Wish me luck on that. It sure smells good.
yesterday I talked about my past so everyone who reads my diary would understand me. You know i have so many friends that am so grateful for. Shortly after meeting Steve I met Jami. Now there is a true friend, but you will never guess how we met. One day Steve and I were on our way home on the bus and when we got off at our stop there was this huge turtle in the middle of the road. Jami who also was on the bus suggested we try to move him, the turtle. Well Steve picked up a stick and tried to cox it off the street and every time he got near the it, the turtle would hiss at him. It took us about 10 min to get it off the street, but we were a success. On our way home we talked with Jami and realized she lived in the same apartment complex as we did. From that day on Jami has been there for us and us for her. She later introduced us to Dalene, I forget how they met. Dalene lived an hour from where we did, however she did her best to be there for us all. Jami, Dalene and myself become as Steve called us the three musketeers. Well I don't know about that but we did do stuff together and there each other parities. One year Dalene and I through Jami a surprise party for her birthday and in turn they gave me one. To be honest I think it was through Jami and Dalene who I learned how to be a good christian woman. I was not a Dalene's wedding due to the fact we where on the road to Illinois.(we lived there for a year and half) I was one of Jami's brides maids at her wedding. I don't know Dalene's husband very well, but I do know he is a good person and a good christian. Now Jami's husband Willie. Now there is a true man of God and a bit of a goofball.(Don't worry that is a good thing) He will make you laugh and at the same time he will frustrate you. He is one complicated person. He joined the Army a few years back and took Jami away from Dalene and I of course then Steve and i moved away almost a year after she left. Poor Dalene, her 2 closest friends taken away but the 3 of us stay in touch through the Internet and the phone. Now I have my friends in the good state of Wisconsin. I have a neighbor who lives 2 doors down, with whom I have gotten close to. Edna is a God sent. You know when I 1st moved in poor Steve was working 7 days a week just so we could have some extra money to live on and i moved all by myself. Edna and her boys came down while I was unloading the car and helped me. When the 1st snow hit us she and her boys shoveled our sidewalk and have done so since then without asking for anything in return. Also Edna has kindly allowed us to wash our clothes at her house instead of us going to the laundry mat each week. Sometimes I feel like I am taking advantage of her, but she insists that we are fine and that this is what God wants her to do. I think it was all the different people in my life that made me see who i am now. That person I was long before Steve came into my life is gone now. I believe that she slowly died over the last 10 years so the person I am now can take over. To be honest I like the person I am now. I love spending time with the Lord. I love talking to my friends and even my family. I enjoy getting up and making breakfast for Steve and making sure he has dinner when her gets home. I enjoy playing the good house wife. I believe I was put on this earth to be his wife and to take care of him. He does not have much to do with his family since we married. His family, well his mother, is a big snob and will not accept his marriage to me. She told him that I was white trash and he was marrying beneath himself. His dad is nice and all and his sister is too, but mommy dearest will not allow anyone in the family to have anything to do with me. My step daughters hate me, but why I do not know. Steve and I believe that between his mom and Steve's ex wife and maybe even Steve's e in laws, that they got the impression that I am the cause for their marriage splitting up, but I did not even know Steve when they separated. As a matter of fact the 1st time I met Sarah ( the ex) she told me the reason for the divorce was because Steve's mom had to much control and was always interfering. In a way i am glad the woman won't have anything to do with me, but it is hurting Steve's relationship with his girls. Well they will be 18 tomorrow and Steve has informed everyone that now that the girls are 18 they should make their own decision about me and said when we come down for their graduation in June that we are going to take them out without Steve's mom and dad being there and without Steve's ex wife or ex in laws too!
The Lord is my guide through my life and all the people that have come in my life was sent by God. How did I become this prison I am now. I see myself as a selfless person who trys to always help others. I can remember when i was selfish in my thinking and doing things for others in hopes to get something in return. I can remember times when i was so angry at God not only did I deny Him but turned my back on him completely. When Phillip died I did not really cry until the day after his memorial service when I was sitting alone in the bathroom floor praying to God and He spoke to me. He told me everything was okay and that Phillip was with Him. That was when I cried for the 1st time, well really cried. I guess God knew I was needing to know that Phillip was with Him. Well I guess I know I have become a totaly diffrent person than who I once was. Thank you God for being there with me and for forgiving me of all my sins.