Wednesday Jan 27,2010

I am fighting a cold this week. Wish spring would hurry up and get here! On to a brighter subject! I have started reading the book of Proverbs. I read it once before....a long time ago, but I do not remember it all! I know the book of Proverbs teaches about the Lords will and consequences and things like that, I think! Well I gotta read to be sure!
But today I want to talk about a good friend of mine, who I know loves the Lord as much as Steve and I do! Her name is the same as my mother, but is a bit nicer to me. She is the pastor of our church and is a wonderful friend. If you miss church she will call to check on you. This morning she called to check on my grandmother even though I was at church on Sunday! Well we have not been at bible study in quite sometime because of the extra hours he has worked but tonite we are for sure! I can not wait! I wonder sometimes abut other people and my trust in people is not very good! I have been married to Steve going on 9 years in April and I still have some trust issues with him. I think alot of it has to do with my past. I am working on it, believe me when I say this I trust him more today than I did when we 1st started dating, even more than I did a few years ago! I am slowly becoming more of a trust worthy person! Anyway back to Bonnie. She is a very sweet and caring person! Do you know how hard it is to find a person, even a person who is a minister or pastor that I can trust. Considering how many people have deceived me and Steve in our lifetime we do not have many people that we know we can trust! Anyway Nathan and i are talking now, and working on our realtionship. Of course he made the 1st move. Wonder if i could get him to work on his reationship with God? We will do ti slowly, one thing at a time!
Okay did not go to church tonite but wind up going to weigh watchers meeting....AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF...I LOST 5 LBS FROM LAST WEEK TO TODAY!

Monday Jan 25, 2010

OH BOY IS THIS GOING TO BE HARDER THAN I THOUGHT! I got up at 4 am with Steve and for breakfast I had a bowl of Special K cereal, a small glass of OJ, one cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin from weight watchers. Then at 10 I was hungry again, so I had a small bowl of the chicken and apples mix I made last night. I went for a walk this morning and it was a bit to cold to walk for a long time. I am trying to get myself into the diet and exercise routine but it is so hard! Well I am trying! How many times does one have to fight with their one demons, battle their own self just to be healthy. I am going nuts here. I am dreaming about burgers and other good stuff. Okay tonite I am having a salad with pineapples raisins and some turkey. Maybe I will have a half of a turkey sandwich! I am not sure yet, I know I got some yummy yogurt that I will have for a snack or something like that! Anyway I am looking forward to going home looking a bit smaller and slimmer than when I left! I will show my mom I can do it. I will show her and anyone else that I am not a big, fat, cow! Not that anyone has out and out called me that, but it s how they make me feel. Especially my mom. But as my cousin, who is much older than I said, I should not listen to what others say, I should only care about what I think and live my life to please God which in turn makes me happy too! I am wonder sometimes where I went down hill or in my case blew up like a hot air balloon. Thank God I can't float away! LOL! So how does one fight the urges that I am having. God all I want to do is go in the kitchen and eat some real food, but i remember we only have diet stuff! I am dieting for a reason, no like some chic who have small waste lines and say they are fat and go on diets. No I am really fat and I hate the way i look. There are times when I wonder if my husband could love me and fine me sexy like he once did! I miss the way things once was between us. I remember how he use to romance me, buying me flowers just because, spending his days off doing stuff with me, and even making breakfast in bed for me now and then. I can remember when he would come home from his weekend visits with his daughter and he would kiss me with passion. I remember how he use to hold me when I had nightmares or just because he loves to cuddle. Oh he still likes to cuddle, but I have to ask him to. He spends more time on the computer playing games than he does with me. When he comes home from work I don't get that same greeting I use to get. I just wonder where the passion has gone. O h don't get me wrong I know he loves me, but I just wonder where the passion went he use to have for me! Well maybe when I loose weight he will have that passion for me once again!

Sunday Jan 24, 2010

Okay let us talk about addictions! Believe it or not everyone has some kind of addiction. You got addictions to shopping, Internet use, porn, drugs, alcohol, and yes even FOOD! This morning as I was driving back from dropping Steve off at work I was thinking about something a good friend of mine told me and he knows who he is! He said when you have an addiction you have to 1st let Jesus come and let him work strength and will power as he did with his problem! God gives us the courage so we can fight our addictions but we must ask him to help us and guide us! Anyway as I was thinking about what he said to me it hit me that even though I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol I too have an addiction that I must fight! I love food and the bad thing is we need food to live. But when we use food as a crutch to get attention or to help us get past those moments in our lives where we wish we were dead, that is wrong. Food was meant to be a substance to give our bodies the strength and nourishment to get through life. But I must eat only for the substance to maintain my daily life. I can do without some things, like chocolate and sodas and pies and cakes and cookies! I don't need them, although I must admit I love them all! I am not going to say i will never eat those again because even I know that would be a lie in itself, but maybe instead I can just cut back back on the things I do eat. I am eating smaller healthier meals. Last night we had baked chicken with long grain rice and mustard greens. AND I HAD NO BREAD! Boy that was hard! For dessert I made us some smoothies. I have a recipe I use that is healthy and it tasted so good!
2 whole banana cut up, 1 pint of plain vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup of fat free milk, 1 1/2 cups of strawberries, 1 cut of ice, 2 tablespoons of honey and 1 tablespoon of OJ! Oh My Goodness it was sooooooo good! And the thing is my roommate loved it and she does not like anything that does not have sugar in it! It was good! So you see I feel I am doing better with my diet! Now if i can just get up and exercise more, but it is so cold out who wants to walk! LOL! No I know I need to and I plan on doing so as often as I can. maybe what I should do is getting walking partner. Like my neighbor. Now there is a good friend! Well this is all for now. Will try to post more tonite! HUGS AND KISSES TO ALL!

Saturday Januray 23, 2010

I did not write last night because my grandmother was admitted to the hospital for congested heart failure, but they later said it was not that but something different. They are thinking it is a hernia that is pressing against her chest cavity! Last I heard from the Nathan, who is sitting up there with Granny, she is doing better. She is breathing better and even though still kinda weak she is doing much better. I made a promise to God that if he let her live just a little while longer I would star taking my diet more serious. Okay here is the truth about the diet. I did go to the weight watchers, but I have had a few moments of weakness. I broke down yesterday and and bought a cheeseburger and some fries. I had some pancakes yesterday and this morning. Okay question: I have always been told to eat a big breakfast and a small dinner. But recently I was told to eat 3 small meals and some says 6 small meals. So my question is this: Which is better for someone trying to loose weight? Well I guess that is one for a doctor. Speaking of doctors. I recently found out I have anemia and low blood pressure! As well as low blood sugar! But I still need to loose weight and I need to learn to get off my butt and exercise more, go for walks. maybe what I should do is have pact with myself and Steve! Keep a log of all the exercise I do and when I walk so many miles and do so many push ups or whatever I need to do, and then I can treat my self to a sundae at Culver's or something like that! Well that something I need to sit down and talk with Steve about. Next week Steve says I can pay for weight watchers program. I can not wait! I am going to loose the weight! You know there is this real pretty dress that someone gave me and I put it aside and said one day I will fit into that. What I should do is have that dress hanging on the back of the bedroom door so I can remind myself of what I need to do! I wonder if my aunt has a picture of me when I was younger! Boy I can remember when I has small waist line. I can remember when I could walk several miles without feeling exhausted or my back hurting or hurting anywhere for that matter. I use to love to walk, I use to love to ride my bike. With our income tax return, if we get any back, I am buying me and Steve both a bike! I will ride it everywhere I can! I am going to start walking to the college, which is a few blocks from my house, everyday! I can take Max with me, maybe this will also help me get that dog leash trained! I have been lying to myself all these years, telling myself I can start loosing the weight next month, I will never be over 300 pounds. Now here I am and I weigh almost 400 pounds! And I am not proud of it! I have this long mirror in my room and when I look at myself in the mirror I am disgusted with the way I look. I can not understand how Steve can look at me little lone have sex with me. But he says he loves me and he will support me while I am dieting! I am going to do this, not just for myself, but for God as well and for Steve. Of course there is those beautiful children in Brazil who need me to be healthy! Okay God I will do as you tell me and loose this weight as well as be a great role model for your little children! Well until next time....I hope to see some comments on here. I need suggestions on food portions and so forth! Later!

Thursday Januray 21, 2010

Yesterday I talked to my mom and I told her all that is going on. She basically called me a fat cow and made me feel as small as a nat! Why does she do this to me? What is it about me that makes her treat me this way? Well I know it is not me really, but she always still finds away to make me feel bad. Oh well I have steve in my life and when someone like my mom brings my mood down, he knows how to life my spirits. That is why ilove him so much!
I can not wait til springtime! I might have more energy than I do now! I need to start doing some serious excerise soon or I will be a big fat cow! Will post moe later!

Tuesday Jan 19, 2010

I went to bed last night, nor feeling that well and i was tossing and turning all night. I had a bad stoamche ache this morning when woke up and when i got Steve off to work I went back to bed. I was only planning to sleep a few hours but slept about 4 hours maybe 4. I got up and put a rump roast in the crock pot and just relaxed for the day. After Steve finished worked we went to store to get a few things. Now all I feel like doing is sleeping the night away. Just really not much into things.

Monday, Jan 18, 2010

Sorry I have not written since last Wednesday, but I have been fighting a cold plus Steve took the weekend off and we decided to spend time doing something other than the Internet. Saturday we spent the day in Steve's home town, which is about an hour from where we live now. Okay he grew up in Elgin, but we are on the boarder. We 1st went to see Mary and her family. She lives not to far from the street Steve grew up on. She bought us lunch at our favorite pizza place. Believe me when I say this if you eat more than one slice your going to be full. Those pizza are so good! Anyway we spent most of the day at her house and then we went to church with his friend Kurt. Boy it was nice to see him happy. Sunday we spent the day playing games and watching the Cowboys loose to the Vikings. We won't go there. And we had a great time together! I love that man so much.
Tonite for dinner we are having fillet Mignon, baked beans, baked potato and a salad. Weight watchers say that fillet Mignon is the best and healthiest cut of steak because it has the least amount of fat, if any! Of course you have to leave off the bacon, LOL! I think for dessert I will be making some thing with strawberries. I love strawberries! I also love oranges and bananas, but I love strawberries even more!
Boy oh boy that was a big meal and now I am stuffed!