march 9, 2011

At some point in life everyone looks back at and wonders what if. How many times have I done that in the past 10 years I cant not begin to count. Next month I will be married 10 years to the same person and as I look back on our life together I have noticed that the romance has gone away. I mean yes every now and then he does something that is so sweet that it makes my head turn but then again I have also noticed that there was some kind of hint or 'someone' had to point him in the right direction. For valentines day I made him a very romantic meal, with a big romantic scene. Music flowers and candles. I have now doubt that he loves me and I know he is committed to me 100% but sometimes it feels like he is just existing in the marriage. Anyway I am not really compiling just wondering is all. I will be 41 at the end of this month and I just started looking at things in my life differently lately. i am even trying to find out where my heritage beings. I stated tracing my ancestry a few days ago and I have found that my dad's parents are hard to trace. I found records of the births of their children and of my grandparents deaths but for some odd reason i can not find their birth records. And on my mom's side I have found that my grandmother grandparents were distant cousins. How nasty is that. That sure explains why most of the people in my family are messed up in the head. I also found out, even though i knew it already that my grandfather's mother was murdered by some guy who had just been realized a few weeks earlier from a psych ward. He went in to the store she was at and killed her and 2 other people. And all he got was 5 years in a psych ward. I am contiuing my quest to find where my family tree starts and if thier is any famous people in our family tree. Wouldnt that be cool!

March 1, 2011

Yesterday my baby boy turned 19 and today my oldest niece turns 19. I remember when they were born. It was leap year and they were born 2 days apart in 2 diffrent hospitals on the other side of town from each other. It was kinda funny becuase my mom was back and forth for a few days. Now today my oldest niece has turned away from the family and in a way so has my son. Yes I still talk to my son and am able to send message to my neice on an occasion but it is not the same as it use to be. Life is so diffrent from then. My husband who also has twin daughter who just turned 19 last month is distant from them. They do not like me becuase it has been put in thier head that I am the reason why his parents divorced. My husband ex wife and ex mother in law has told ever one that Steve was having an affair with me while he and Sarah were still married. Which is far from the truth. The sepreated in June of 1999 and we met the April of 2000. My life is an open book to people I know and I have never denied how or how I meet my husband and if I did meet him while he was married to sarah I sure won't denie it.