Wednesday Jan 27,2010

I am fighting a cold this week. Wish spring would hurry up and get here! On to a brighter subject! I have started reading the book of Proverbs. I read it once before....a long time ago, but I do not remember it all! I know the book of Proverbs teaches about the Lords will and consequences and things like that, I think! Well I gotta read to be sure!
But today I want to talk about a good friend of mine, who I know loves the Lord as much as Steve and I do! Her name is the same as my mother, but is a bit nicer to me. She is the pastor of our church and is a wonderful friend. If you miss church she will call to check on you. This morning she called to check on my grandmother even though I was at church on Sunday! Well we have not been at bible study in quite sometime because of the extra hours he has worked but tonite we are for sure! I can not wait! I wonder sometimes abut other people and my trust in people is not very good! I have been married to Steve going on 9 years in April and I still have some trust issues with him. I think alot of it has to do with my past. I am working on it, believe me when I say this I trust him more today than I did when we 1st started dating, even more than I did a few years ago! I am slowly becoming more of a trust worthy person! Anyway back to Bonnie. She is a very sweet and caring person! Do you know how hard it is to find a person, even a person who is a minister or pastor that I can trust. Considering how many people have deceived me and Steve in our lifetime we do not have many people that we know we can trust! Anyway Nathan and i are talking now, and working on our realtionship. Of course he made the 1st move. Wonder if i could get him to work on his reationship with God? We will do ti slowly, one thing at a time!
Okay did not go to church tonite but wind up going to weigh watchers meeting....AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF...I LOST 5 LBS FROM LAST WEEK TO TODAY!

Monday Jan 25, 2010

OH BOY IS THIS GOING TO BE HARDER THAN I THOUGHT! I got up at 4 am with Steve and for breakfast I had a bowl of Special K cereal, a small glass of OJ, one cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin from weight watchers. Then at 10 I was hungry again, so I had a small bowl of the chicken and apples mix I made last night. I went for a walk this morning and it was a bit to cold to walk for a long time. I am trying to get myself into the diet and exercise routine but it is so hard! Well I am trying! How many times does one have to fight with their one demons, battle their own self just to be healthy. I am going nuts here. I am dreaming about burgers and other good stuff. Okay tonite I am having a salad with pineapples raisins and some turkey. Maybe I will have a half of a turkey sandwich! I am not sure yet, I know I got some yummy yogurt that I will have for a snack or something like that! Anyway I am looking forward to going home looking a bit smaller and slimmer than when I left! I will show my mom I can do it. I will show her and anyone else that I am not a big, fat, cow! Not that anyone has out and out called me that, but it s how they make me feel. Especially my mom. But as my cousin, who is much older than I said, I should not listen to what others say, I should only care about what I think and live my life to please God which in turn makes me happy too! I am wonder sometimes where I went down hill or in my case blew up like a hot air balloon. Thank God I can't float away! LOL! So how does one fight the urges that I am having. God all I want to do is go in the kitchen and eat some real food, but i remember we only have diet stuff! I am dieting for a reason, no like some chic who have small waste lines and say they are fat and go on diets. No I am really fat and I hate the way i look. There are times when I wonder if my husband could love me and fine me sexy like he once did! I miss the way things once was between us. I remember how he use to romance me, buying me flowers just because, spending his days off doing stuff with me, and even making breakfast in bed for me now and then. I can remember when he would come home from his weekend visits with his daughter and he would kiss me with passion. I remember how he use to hold me when I had nightmares or just because he loves to cuddle. Oh he still likes to cuddle, but I have to ask him to. He spends more time on the computer playing games than he does with me. When he comes home from work I don't get that same greeting I use to get. I just wonder where the passion has gone. O h don't get me wrong I know he loves me, but I just wonder where the passion went he use to have for me! Well maybe when I loose weight he will have that passion for me once again!

Sunday Jan 24, 2010

Okay let us talk about addictions! Believe it or not everyone has some kind of addiction. You got addictions to shopping, Internet use, porn, drugs, alcohol, and yes even FOOD! This morning as I was driving back from dropping Steve off at work I was thinking about something a good friend of mine told me and he knows who he is! He said when you have an addiction you have to 1st let Jesus come and let him work strength and will power as he did with his problem! God gives us the courage so we can fight our addictions but we must ask him to help us and guide us! Anyway as I was thinking about what he said to me it hit me that even though I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol I too have an addiction that I must fight! I love food and the bad thing is we need food to live. But when we use food as a crutch to get attention or to help us get past those moments in our lives where we wish we were dead, that is wrong. Food was meant to be a substance to give our bodies the strength and nourishment to get through life. But I must eat only for the substance to maintain my daily life. I can do without some things, like chocolate and sodas and pies and cakes and cookies! I don't need them, although I must admit I love them all! I am not going to say i will never eat those again because even I know that would be a lie in itself, but maybe instead I can just cut back back on the things I do eat. I am eating smaller healthier meals. Last night we had baked chicken with long grain rice and mustard greens. AND I HAD NO BREAD! Boy that was hard! For dessert I made us some smoothies. I have a recipe I use that is healthy and it tasted so good!
2 whole banana cut up, 1 pint of plain vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup of fat free milk, 1 1/2 cups of strawberries, 1 cut of ice, 2 tablespoons of honey and 1 tablespoon of OJ! Oh My Goodness it was sooooooo good! And the thing is my roommate loved it and she does not like anything that does not have sugar in it! It was good! So you see I feel I am doing better with my diet! Now if i can just get up and exercise more, but it is so cold out who wants to walk! LOL! No I know I need to and I plan on doing so as often as I can. maybe what I should do is getting walking partner. Like my neighbor. Now there is a good friend! Well this is all for now. Will try to post more tonite! HUGS AND KISSES TO ALL!

Saturday Januray 23, 2010

I did not write last night because my grandmother was admitted to the hospital for congested heart failure, but they later said it was not that but something different. They are thinking it is a hernia that is pressing against her chest cavity! Last I heard from the Nathan, who is sitting up there with Granny, she is doing better. She is breathing better and even though still kinda weak she is doing much better. I made a promise to God that if he let her live just a little while longer I would star taking my diet more serious. Okay here is the truth about the diet. I did go to the weight watchers, but I have had a few moments of weakness. I broke down yesterday and and bought a cheeseburger and some fries. I had some pancakes yesterday and this morning. Okay question: I have always been told to eat a big breakfast and a small dinner. But recently I was told to eat 3 small meals and some says 6 small meals. So my question is this: Which is better for someone trying to loose weight? Well I guess that is one for a doctor. Speaking of doctors. I recently found out I have anemia and low blood pressure! As well as low blood sugar! But I still need to loose weight and I need to learn to get off my butt and exercise more, go for walks. maybe what I should do is have pact with myself and Steve! Keep a log of all the exercise I do and when I walk so many miles and do so many push ups or whatever I need to do, and then I can treat my self to a sundae at Culver's or something like that! Well that something I need to sit down and talk with Steve about. Next week Steve says I can pay for weight watchers program. I can not wait! I am going to loose the weight! You know there is this real pretty dress that someone gave me and I put it aside and said one day I will fit into that. What I should do is have that dress hanging on the back of the bedroom door so I can remind myself of what I need to do! I wonder if my aunt has a picture of me when I was younger! Boy I can remember when I has small waist line. I can remember when I could walk several miles without feeling exhausted or my back hurting or hurting anywhere for that matter. I use to love to walk, I use to love to ride my bike. With our income tax return, if we get any back, I am buying me and Steve both a bike! I will ride it everywhere I can! I am going to start walking to the college, which is a few blocks from my house, everyday! I can take Max with me, maybe this will also help me get that dog leash trained! I have been lying to myself all these years, telling myself I can start loosing the weight next month, I will never be over 300 pounds. Now here I am and I weigh almost 400 pounds! And I am not proud of it! I have this long mirror in my room and when I look at myself in the mirror I am disgusted with the way I look. I can not understand how Steve can look at me little lone have sex with me. But he says he loves me and he will support me while I am dieting! I am going to do this, not just for myself, but for God as well and for Steve. Of course there is those beautiful children in Brazil who need me to be healthy! Okay God I will do as you tell me and loose this weight as well as be a great role model for your little children! Well until next time....I hope to see some comments on here. I need suggestions on food portions and so forth! Later!

Thursday Januray 21, 2010

Yesterday I talked to my mom and I told her all that is going on. She basically called me a fat cow and made me feel as small as a nat! Why does she do this to me? What is it about me that makes her treat me this way? Well I know it is not me really, but she always still finds away to make me feel bad. Oh well I have steve in my life and when someone like my mom brings my mood down, he knows how to life my spirits. That is why ilove him so much!
I can not wait til springtime! I might have more energy than I do now! I need to start doing some serious excerise soon or I will be a big fat cow! Will post moe later!

Tuesday Jan 19, 2010

I went to bed last night, nor feeling that well and i was tossing and turning all night. I had a bad stoamche ache this morning when woke up and when i got Steve off to work I went back to bed. I was only planning to sleep a few hours but slept about 4 hours maybe 4. I got up and put a rump roast in the crock pot and just relaxed for the day. After Steve finished worked we went to store to get a few things. Now all I feel like doing is sleeping the night away. Just really not much into things.

Monday, Jan 18, 2010

Sorry I have not written since last Wednesday, but I have been fighting a cold plus Steve took the weekend off and we decided to spend time doing something other than the Internet. Saturday we spent the day in Steve's home town, which is about an hour from where we live now. Okay he grew up in Elgin, but we are on the boarder. We 1st went to see Mary and her family. She lives not to far from the street Steve grew up on. She bought us lunch at our favorite pizza place. Believe me when I say this if you eat more than one slice your going to be full. Those pizza are so good! Anyway we spent most of the day at her house and then we went to church with his friend Kurt. Boy it was nice to see him happy. Sunday we spent the day playing games and watching the Cowboys loose to the Vikings. We won't go there. And we had a great time together! I love that man so much.
Tonite for dinner we are having fillet Mignon, baked beans, baked potato and a salad. Weight watchers say that fillet Mignon is the best and healthiest cut of steak because it has the least amount of fat, if any! Of course you have to leave off the bacon, LOL! I think for dessert I will be making some thing with strawberries. I love strawberries! I also love oranges and bananas, but I love strawberries even more!
Boy oh boy that was a big meal and now I am stuffed!

Wednesday Jan 13, 2010

I skipped yesterday because some other things diverted my attention and by the time i realized i was just tired to worry. Today I am going to talk about to things: One is about my weight loss journey and the other is about the religious epiphany I had!
I attended a weight watchers meeting tonite and after listening to the people talk and I realized what it is i need to do. Trying to loose 150 pounds before or by June 1st is an unhealthy goal, but what I did learn is that doing 10 pounds at a time is much better. Taking it step by step. Plus this will teach me about self control and will power. HAVING A MIND SET, as I heard it say once on The Nanny! I am wondering though how much support I will get from my family! I know my friends will support me as well as Steve. Well I know a few family members who will support me. I hope, no I know, I can do it. I will be starting it next week when Steve gets paid. I am so excited.
Now about my religious epiphany! Remember the childhood rythem: "Mary had a little lamb his fleece was white as snow, every where that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go!" Okay Mary had a lamb....Jesus was the lamb, His fleece was white as snow....He was sinless, He was prefect....every where that mary went, the lamb was sure to go. To me that one means no matter where you go Jesus is always is there.
I was watching My favorite show 'Touched by an Angel' and the angel Monica was holding a lamb and her supervisor Tess said kinda makes you think don't it!
That was when it hit me....."OMG now I get it" Is what I said to my husband!
So the next time you think wonder about GOD, just rcite this poem to yourself!

Monday, Jan 11, 2010

Well for those who need to know the packers did loose, but I am not as depressed as I thought I would be. ENOUGH OF THAT!
I was thinking about life and God. You know many people go there whole lives without knowing love or without knowing God. As a kid my aunts and even my grandparents taught me about God. Yes I did got to church with my mom and I did go with my dad when he went with whatever women he was dating at them time, but to be honest I feel like my teaching came from my grandparents and my aunt Ginger and aunt Judy.
As for love, okay i know my family loves me and I know that they did then, that I have no doubt, but one never really knows love until that spec ail someone comes into your life. There is many kinds of love. 1st you have the love a child has for his/her parents and grandparents, they are people in your life who you should trust and look up too, 2nd you have the love you have for your siblings, u grow up with them and they are not always trust worthy but u know that u can trust them with your life when it came down to it, 3rd is the love one has for a child, you bring them into this world, or adopt them, you raise them and pray that on their 18th birthday you have taught them enough for them to get by and you know that he/she is there and you are there for them. You sit with them when they are sick and help them with all their problems that arise in their lifetime, then one day when you are old and sick he/she turns the tables and takes care of you, then their is that special love.....
OH you know what I mean, the kind of love that when you think of that person you feel you r heart skip a beat, when they are mentioned you tend to daydream about them and you. Then if, it is right, you are married and your life has now became one. And you live your life together.....Now here comes the kicker, you start to act alike and think alike, hey you even have arguments, but that is live. I know I have that special person in my life. Yes we have our arguments and yes we have our problems, just like all couples do. My point of this is through all the loves in your life, you spouse, you children, and you family, does anyone ever really stop to think about the BIG LOVE! The ultimate love, the ultimate sacrifice. As I read and become more aware of God and all the things in this world, I realize that there is only one ultimate love, one ultimate sacrifice. John 3:16 and 17 says: " For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have ever lasting life. For God sent His son into the world not to condemn, but that the world through Him would be saved." I know He loves me and I know that when I die I will be in heaven with my husband and other family members who have gone before me. (NO my hubby is not dead. I don't think I could survive without him)! I always said my best friend, the one who knows me better than anyone is my husband, but that is wrong. He created me, He is there for me when no one else, not even Steve is, he knows my heart. I am grateful for my life and i am grateful that I know I have entrant life because He died for my sins.
BTW I had a little slip on my diet! No I did not eat chocolate but i had more mac and cheese than I should have. I made baked chicken but I let it soak a bit too much in the Maranad I believe. But all in all it was a good meal. Plus for breakfast I had an cheese omelet, 6 sausage links, little ones, and 2 pieces of toast. I slipped and I am apologizing to myself. Forgiveness is there just do better tomorrow! LOL!

Sunday Jan 10 2010

Well I don't believe it, the soup turned out better than I hoped. Needed a bit more liquids but hey it was still good. Tonite I am not sure what i will make. I was kinda leaning towards baked chicken with corn and mac and cheese on the side, but still not 100% sure. Might just eat the rest of the soup. I wont spend much time on today. Today is football day. My team, The packers are playing at 3:20 my time and I hope they beat The Cardinals just like last week. PLEASE GOD LET THEM WIN! I might post more later on! Remeber God is Great and is there waiting for us to ask him to come into our hearts. He loves us and wants us in Heaven with him. God Bless everyone!

Saturday Jan 09,2010

Well !st I have some good news about my weight loose. I weighed myself this morning and I have lost 10 lbs! I was so thrilled with myself that I decided to take Max for a walk. I walked to the cemetery and back. Yes I said cemetery. When we moved into the neighborhood we realized there was a cemetery down the street. It is about 4blocks down, well maybe less. I have never really measured. I got back and cleaned a bit and decided I would try a recipe for homemade chicken noddle soup. Wish me luck on that. It sure smells good.
yesterday I talked about my past so everyone who reads my diary would understand me. You know i have so many friends that am so grateful for. Shortly after meeting Steve I met Jami. Now there is a true friend, but you will never guess how we met. One day Steve and I were on our way home on the bus and when we got off at our stop there was this huge turtle in the middle of the road. Jami who also was on the bus suggested we try to move him, the turtle. Well Steve picked up a stick and tried to cox it off the street and every time he got near the it, the turtle would hiss at him. It took us about 10 min to get it off the street, but we were a success. On our way home we talked with Jami and realized she lived in the same apartment complex as we did. From that day on Jami has been there for us and us for her. She later introduced us to Dalene, I forget how they met. Dalene lived an hour from where we did, however she did her best to be there for us all. Jami, Dalene and myself become as Steve called us the three musketeers. Well I don't know about that but we did do stuff together and there each other parities. One year Dalene and I through Jami a surprise party for her birthday and in turn they gave me one. To be honest I think it was through Jami and Dalene who I learned how to be a good christian woman. I was not a Dalene's wedding due to the fact we where on the road to Illinois.(we lived there for a year and half) I was one of Jami's brides maids at her wedding. I don't know Dalene's husband very well, but I do know he is a good person and a good christian. Now Jami's husband Willie. Now there is a true man of God and a bit of a goofball.(Don't worry that is a good thing) He will make you laugh and at the same time he will frustrate you. He is one complicated person. He joined the Army a few years back and took Jami away from Dalene and I of course then Steve and i moved away almost a year after she left. Poor Dalene, her 2 closest friends taken away but the 3 of us stay in touch through the Internet and the phone. Now I have my friends in the good state of Wisconsin. I have a neighbor who lives 2 doors down, with whom I have gotten close to. Edna is a God sent. You know when I 1st moved in poor Steve was working 7 days a week just so we could have some extra money to live on and i moved all by myself. Edna and her boys came down while I was unloading the car and helped me. When the 1st snow hit us she and her boys shoveled our sidewalk and have done so since then without asking for anything in return. Also Edna has kindly allowed us to wash our clothes at her house instead of us going to the laundry mat each week. Sometimes I feel like I am taking advantage of her, but she insists that we are fine and that this is what God wants her to do. I think it was all the different people in my life that made me see who i am now. That person I was long before Steve came into my life is gone now. I believe that she slowly died over the last 10 years so the person I am now can take over. To be honest I like the person I am now. I love spending time with the Lord. I love talking to my friends and even my family. I enjoy getting up and making breakfast for Steve and making sure he has dinner when her gets home. I enjoy playing the good house wife. I believe I was put on this earth to be his wife and to take care of him. He does not have much to do with his family since we married. His family, well his mother, is a big snob and will not accept his marriage to me. She told him that I was white trash and he was marrying beneath himself. His dad is nice and all and his sister is too, but mommy dearest will not allow anyone in the family to have anything to do with me. My step daughters hate me, but why I do not know. Steve and I believe that between his mom and Steve's ex wife and maybe even Steve's e in laws, that they got the impression that I am the cause for their marriage splitting up, but I did not even know Steve when they separated. As a matter of fact the 1st time I met Sarah ( the ex) she told me the reason for the divorce was because Steve's mom had to much control and was always interfering. In a way i am glad the woman won't have anything to do with me, but it is hurting Steve's relationship with his girls. Well they will be 18 tomorrow and Steve has informed everyone that now that the girls are 18 they should make their own decision about me and said when we come down for their graduation in June that we are going to take them out without Steve's mom and dad being there and without Steve's ex wife or ex in laws too!
The Lord is my guide through my life and all the people that have come in my life was sent by God. How did I become this prison I am now. I see myself as a selfless person who trys to always help others. I can remember when i was selfish in my thinking and doing things for others in hopes to get something in return. I can remember times when i was so angry at God not only did I deny Him but turned my back on him completely. When Phillip died I did not really cry until the day after his memorial service when I was sitting alone in the bathroom floor praying to God and He spoke to me. He told me everything was okay and that Phillip was with Him. That was when I cried for the 1st time, well really cried. I guess God knew I was needing to know that Phillip was with Him. Well I guess I know I have become a totaly diffrent person than who I once was. Thank you God for being there with me and for forgiving me of all my sins.

Friday Jan 8, 2010

I want to start off by letting my readers know something about me. I am the only girl our of 4 children, 2 older, one younger brothers. I was brought up in a poor environment. May family never had much and we struggled a lot. My parents divorced when I was 7 or 8, maybe 9. I don't have much memory of my childhood except the bad things. Oh I do have some good ones. Like there was this boy who lived across the street from me, who was my 1st boyfriend. I got my 1st kiss from a boy from him. It was just a small peck on the lips but hey it was still my 1st real boy kiss. I use to ride my bike all over the neighborhood with him and my brothers. Although we use to try to loose my brothers. My father use to abuse us when things did not go his way and even though she may not have realized she was doing it my mother abused me. She always put my brothers 1st, she would make me wear little boy clothes and I never really had many girl toys. My cousin gave me her barbie dolls one and my younger brother destroyed them and of course i got the blame. It always seemed that any time something went wrong it was my fault. I would get depressed and eat. I think I started gaining weight around my 14th ot 15th birthday. Although I never gained much until I got pregnant with my oldest child, Phillip. When I got into JR High, I started trying to be something I was not. I wanted friends but no one wanted to ever talk to me. I did make one friend in the 8th grade but even to this day i feel like she is only my friend when it is convenient for her. In the 9th grade I met my closest friends there. They were all older than me but I enjoyed being around them. There was Wayne who I named my 1st child after..Phillip Wayne. He was a so gorgeous and i wanted to be his girlfriend but he only saw me as a friend. I went to church with him and even started hanging out with him and Doug. Oh Doug now there was a dreamboat as my cousin called him. But he has eyes for Kathy. Kathy was a great friend. Her Erine and Devra all were like sisters to me. This group of friends never judged me on my class, my looks or even on weather or not my family had money or not. They all tried their best to make me feel special. And it worked. My 1st high school love was Richard. He was not cute but he was nice to me, but he broke up with me because I was not as smart as he was. I recently learned that while in the military he realized he was gay. Maybe he broke up with me cause he knew he was. Oh well that is water under the bridge. Then there was Jon. He and I dated off and on for 3 years. I am not sure why we ever broke up but when I got pregnant with Phillip his parents decided we should not see each other anymore. I have recently reconnected with him and his mom on facebook. Then there was Chris, Phillip's father. We we together off and on from 1988 to sometime after Phillip's 2nd birthday. One of my long time friends is Teresa. Her home was like a second home to me through out my teenage year and even after. I would say that as of today if I had to choice a god friend from the high school years and one I have stayed in touch with through the years, would be her. She was there for me through all my trials and tribulations. She was married to some guy in 1988 or sometime around there and they stayed married until sometimes after I got pregnant with my youngest con Nathan. You see Nathan is a product of her crazy ex's consistent way of making people do things they didn't really want to do, but made them feel as if it was all their fault. But that is something I don't talk about to many people. So that subject is closed now. Nathan was born Feb 28, 1992 almost 3 years after Phillip was born. Phillip's birthday was May 1, 1989. Now all I had was my 2 boys. Okay my family was there and helped me, but I always felt that they were only doing it for their own selfish reasons. My grandparents were good to me. I loved them all. My dad's mom, whom passed away in Jan of 1996 was a teacher at many things, but in a way I think I took advantage of her a lot. Sometimes I would leave the boys with her just so I could go meet up with some friends or so I could have a fling with some dude who i barely knew. "Sorry Grandma" Then My mom's parents....Granddaddy, whom died in July of 2000 was a strict disciplinarian. He helped me with the boys a lot. You know Phillip is also named after my granddaddy's father? My grandfather loved those boys. He did a lot of things for them and for me. Even though I was an unmarried mother he made me feel like it was just one of those things. He taught me about love and God. I remember when he got sick in 1998 after his stroke, it was hard on me. My grandfather was a man with whom I looked up too. My grandmother, Granny as we call her is still alive. She is the sweetest lady you will ever meet. I don't think she knows the meaning of mean. She is one with whom I could count on when I would get upset or depressed I could always call upon her. When my birthday rolls around she is one of the 1st people to call me to wish me a happy birthday.. Of course her down fall is my aunt Judy. Love Judy, but she is one of the laziest people I have ever known. Not meaning any disrespect to her. I can remember when her kids where little, she was always telling me to watch them just so she could sit on her behind. Of course I don't have much room to talk because when the boys where little i tended to pond them of on others for my own selfish reasons. However I always tried to keep my house clean, I never tried to pond the boys of on someone who had sick kids and was up all night. ( Yes she did that to me when Nathan was a baby. Phillip had the flu and Nathan was teething and was colicy.)Anyone then there is my Aunt Ginger whom to this day I have much respect. You know i use to not like her much. use to think she was a noisy busy body. But to be honest that is just her way. And it really puts things in preoperative for you. I would say i am closer to her than I am own parents and brothers. Now my bothers, Tim and John have never been married or do they have any kids! They still live with mom,or she lives with them. They take care of her. Although my mom is a user and a hypocongeract. I don't know about her to much. I love her but I can only spend some much time with her. My dad has remarried to another women, whom is a crazy loon. Her son and his family come 1st regardless of anything else. Like wheh Grandma was dying and they were all suppose to be taken tunrs sitting with her in the nursing home, Charlotte always came up with a reason why they couldnt or after 5 or 10 min they had to go, but when her mom was sick my dad had to drop everything to help. What is wrong with that pitcure. Then my brother Steve who was married to a wonderful woman named Wanda at one time tunil tradgy struc anyway. I feel I am closer to him than my other brothers or even most of my family members. I don't talk to him much but alot more than my other 2 brothers and I have them on speed dial. I have 2 nieces Christy and Heather. Christy is 2 days younger than Nathan and heather is almost 3 years younger than them. Then there was Skye, who only lived 3 days. Tecnally she was dead when she was born but that issue is sad and I won't go there now. Then there is my nephew wyatt whom Steve had with Robin. Anyway that is my family. My life up until 2000 was revloved around them. I have mnay aunts, uncles, and cousins with whom some I do know well and some I don't, but I feel my life really never started until April 5, 2000 when Stephen entered my life. Now I had been through many realtionships by this time and had my heart broken many times. I was actully at them point whe i thought nooone would ever love me or want me. I had a serious trust issue that almost cuase me to loose him forever. We met on one of those dating phone chat lines and if you could only understand my thinking at this point. I was sure I was never going to have a good man. I was sure I did not deserve somone who would treat me with the resopect I deserved, but on April 4, 2000 I dialed that number becuase one I was bored and 2 i was looking for a place to live. And yes he knew once we meet i had no place to call home. On April 5, 2000 we meet and my life changed forever. I dind't knw it them but I had just meet the one man who would give me the respect i deserved, the one person who would care about who I was and who I am. When my grandfather died in July he gave up half his vistation weekend with his daughters to be there for me and my family and he had barely just met them. I think that is when i knew he was my Mr. Right! Here we are almost 10 years after we meet and my life is diffrent becuase of him. He has moved me to diffrent states and has gladly been a good guinea pig while i taught myself to be a better cook. I am so glad that God put him in my life. Without him I would be in complete. In Aug of 2006, Phillip took his own life and Nathan has been in and out of trouble since. At this time in his life he is in a county jail awaitng a sentece hearing becuase his anger to the better of him. All I can do is pray for him. Now as for my health. I am overwieght, extrely overweight. I have back problem that prvents me from doing a lot of straineous excerise and all I want to do i loose about 150 pounds. Can I do it? I have too, so my health and for the future of the children of Brazil!
My husband Steve and I are trying to start a miisionary agency to help end child prostution. I am looking foward to that. Well this is the end of the day for me. I have been working on this and other things all day. Now I can sign out for the day and start a my deit and sprirutl things tomorrow. Mya God Bless all that read and follow my blog!

Wednesday Jan 06, 2010

I am starting the new year off trying to loose weight and becoming a better person and a better christian. Not only am I going to loose 150 pounds before June 1, 2010, but I am also going to learn the bible better and be a better christian. It has taken me a few days to get started cuase i had oral surgery and was recoperating from it. Alrhough I have already given up one of my great loves in life, chocolate, I am continuing to decrease my portions and going to bed a a decent hour so i can get up and spend the day doing what i need to do. I have already made a daily plan for myself and I will follow throught with it. I must be healthier, smater and more God like if I plan to live the remainder of my days as the wife of a missionary. God help me!